I felt that the hospital doctors wouldn’t give me a straight answer. They kept on going in circles. I had to pin one of them down and asked him how much time I had left. I needed to know as I have important stuff I need to sort out.
What did the doctor tell you?
He said I had two weeks left to live.
How long ago was that?
Two weeks ago. Now I don’t know what’s going on or how much time I have left. I just want people to be honest and direct with me. I can handle it. That’s nothing compared to the pain I’m putting up with in my leg.
I’m not sure how much time you have left, it could be only weeks, but…it could be much shorter if things get worse quicker. I’m worried about you. You have two separate cancers which have put great strain on your body. Your kidneys haven’t been doing well. All of this has made it hard for your body to heal. That’s why your leg wound has been getting worse.
It leaks so much. It just soaks through the pads. We have to keep changing them. I have to position my leg so the liquid will drip away from me. If I don’t my clothes and everything else would get wet.
There’s a risk that your leg could develop an infection which would put you in danger of dying. If this was to happen would you want to go back to hospital for treatment?
What’s the point? Would they be able to do anything for me?
Probably not and I think they wouldn’t be able to take care of your pain as well. I know they’ve tried lots of different medications over the last weeks. Have any of them worked?
Not really, the pain builds up until I can’t handle it. I end up grabbing the arms of the chair while I grimace. The hospital doctor saw me during an episode and she didn’t know how I could handle the pain.
Sounds awful. We made some changes yesterday afternoon, did you notice any difference to your pain?
To be honest, no I don’t think so.
I think your pain will be hard to control. We will keep on trying and will use bigger doses. There is a chance that the medications might make you more sleepy. Would that be okay with you?
If you can control the pain that would be better, I haven’t been able to sleep because the pain has been too bad during the night.
There’s a chance that we might not be able to control your pain no matter what we try. If we can’t control your pain then I would give you stuff to make you less aware of the pain. It would make you sleep. I would only use that as a last resort if everything else failed. If I can’t control the pain I won’t let you suffer.
Do you have anything else that you still need to take care of?
I’ve already planned my funeral. I have funeral insurance which will pay for it. There are only a few small things I need to sort out with my lawyer.
Better get onto these things. I’d rather you do it too early than too late.
Do you have any questions?
No, you’ve covered everything.
I’m going to start slamming your pain hard because I want to try to bring it down as fast as I can.
You’re welcome. See you later.