I think therefore I am? – Sales Pitch

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

Different healthcare cultures lead to different healthcare and expectations. If you have the money you can buy almost any treatment it depends on what people are willing to sell, and the cost that is being charged. There is a large market that caters to desperation. Nothing else has worked, come and see us, and we will keep you alive. If it doesn’t work it isn’t our fault, you probably didn’t follow the strict protocol correctly. You didn’t try hard enough. Sorry our treatments is so good but we can’t offer a money back guarantee. It’s so good that you won’t need your money back. It also cures…whatever else you have. No what I’m selling is not too good to be true, it is truly good. Those other doctors haven’t had as much training as I have. They were just trained in traditional Western or Eastern medicine. I am an advanced practitioner and I will be able to help you. Join our subscription model and start saving your life now. Just one easy monthly payment via direct debit. Don’t worry about the billing we will just collect the money ourselves as customer satisfaction is our top priority. It’s a real bargain my cold-pressed extra-virgin snake oil…

Drink this potion, apply this lotion, move your body in this motion.

Use this poultice, made without artifice, I have 40 years of practice.

It looks bigger on the scan, that’s just a scam, your disease our treatment will slam.

What else can we do, what do you mean you can’t poo, none of our happy patients would ever sue.

Why would you want a treatment pause, didn’t you read the last clause, it’s all ours now what was yours.

You did it all wrong, you didn’t follow along, our medication is strong.

The price has to increase, the supply of this rare element is about to cease, yes we extract it from fleas.

You can’t get out of bed, that’s all in your head, why don’t you try harder instead.

We will now have to intercede, our service you will always need, otherwise your cancer will grow at speed.

Sorry we can’t answer right now, our attention we cannot allow, we are too busy saving lives to take a bow.

It worked for everyone else, it even cleared up that guy’s welts, it’s your attitude that smells.

What you’ve run out of funds, you can’t afford the frankfurters just the buns, well sorry we have to runs.

I think therefore I am? – Cheese, Quackers and Other Oily Things

Photo by angela pham on Unsplash

I’ve looked after thousands of patients over my 14 years of working full-time in Palliative Care settings. The patients that I see have tried all the standard treatments and their illnesses have not been controlled. Out of desperation, some may search for complementary (hardly ever complimentary) and alternative treatments. My standard policy is if something helps them to feel better then who am I to judge what is right for them? I support patient choice, even if people do not follow my recommendations or advice. But if a treatment causes them harm, then I may have to intervene.

I have often been asked by patients and their families whether or not alternative/complementary therapies are any good. Mostly, I don’t know enough about them, but from my training, the evidence does not support their efficacy. It’s not my job to extinguish all hope in their situations, and no one would be happier than me if miracles did occur. The harsh reality I have witnessed from caring for thousands of patients is that out of the hundreds who have sought non-mainstream treatments, very few are still alive.

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Oil from snakes makes many palms greasy.

The cure-all panacea that has been hidden from you by the Illuminati and other conspiracies makes for a good story, but the patient thought they were buying non-fiction.

The false hope market is bullish and continues to make strong returns for a few people.

If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, smells like a duck. It probably is a duck.

Palace of Care – Saying No – Part 3

Photo by Christina Deravedisian on Unsplash

He was admitted because of uncontrolled nausea and vomiting. We thought it might be a malignant bowel obstruction but his bowel sounds were normal. He would vomit at least three times a day. Strangely the vomiting didn’t seem to bother him, in fact at times he and his wife seemed happy after he vomited. We weren’t sure of what was causing his nausea and vomiting, his blood tests showed evidence of dehydration, but there was nothing obviously reversible going on to explain his symptoms. He looked unwell and after a few days on our ward he appeared more gaunt. Our attempts at controlling his symptoms were not working, we hadn’t solved the mystery yet, until we noticed the half-filled blue glass bottle on his table. “Keep out of direct sunlight.”

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