Tag Archives: consequences

I think therefore I am? – Grief and Loss

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Photo by Dorrell Tibbs on Unsplash

In a conversation with a grief counselling provider the other week we talked about the grief process not just occurring after a person has died but occurring during their final illness. The person themselves will grieve over the losses they experience as they become sicker. The parts of their self that die as worsening health takes its toll on a person and their loved ones. This may include loss of the many roles that people have in life. A big one is the loss of employment, not being able to work can affect people deeply, especially if work plays a big part in who they are or represents why they are. Not being able to contribute to society can be a huge loss and a damaging blow to a person’s sense of wholeness.

Loss of roles in a family can have a huge impact. If the main carer becomes unwell it can put a great strain on the other family members. Who can be called in to help with Grandma, now that Mum is unwell? The other members of the household might need to learn how to cook and clean amongst family tasks that seemed to be taken care of as if by magic. The clothes don’t jump into the laundry basket by themselves. They pour themselves into the washing machine with just the right amount of washing powder and water. The teleporter doesn’t work any more, the smelly socks that are thrown at the laundry basket go for a swim in the washing machine. Then they grow legs and somehow jump onto the washing line to work on their tan. Once all traces of liquid have been removed the items of clothing practice yoga, contorting themselves into origami configurations all the better to line drawers with. This whole process may become much less reliable when a family member is unable to help out with house hold chores.

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I think therefore I am? – Masks

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Photo by Khashayar Kouchpeydeh on Unsplash

Medical masks have become part of daily life in hospice and palliative care units all over the world over the past three years. We have had to get used to having important conversations with most of our faces covered. Compassionate expressions have had to be conveyed with the aid of eyebrows and hands. Smiles have been with eyes only rather than with the full face.

There are a number of workmates I have worked with for two years or more, with which we have never seen each other’s faces. I removed my mask in order to be heard more clearly during a family meeting the other day and my patient who had known me for eight months saw my whole face for the first time. There are young children who have only known people outside of their own families to wear masks most of the time. Things are changing with the easing of COVID restrictions but for the healthcare workforce, it will be a while yet until we can take off our masks for good.

A barrier to viruses can also serve as a barrier to communication. People who have hearing impairments cannot lip-read if other people’s mouths are completely covered. There has been less transmission of yawns. Apparently, if you are more empathetic and you see someone else yawn, it can trigger a yawn of your own.

On the other side of the mask is that there are many choices of masks that people can choose to wear. Maybe it has allowed people to show more clearly what fashions they want to show off. People can show their membership in groups with the type of mask they wear. They don’t just have to be the same old boring surgical light blue but can be any colour of the rainbow.

Has it become easier for people to mask their intentions? What else is being hidden? What else is being left unshared? Kisses are left unblown. We are now more familiar with the smell of our own breath than ever before. What else has been lost since we have been wearing masks? Will we ever get those things back?

I think therefore I am? – Sales Pitch

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Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

Different healthcare cultures lead to different healthcare and expectations. If you have the money you can buy almost any treatment it depends on what people are willing to sell, and the cost that is being charged. There is a large market that caters to desperation. Nothing else has worked, come and see us, and we will keep you alive. If it doesn’t work it isn’t our fault, you probably didn’t follow the strict protocol correctly. You didn’t try hard enough. Sorry our treatments is so good but we can’t offer a money back guarantee. It’s so good that you won’t need your money back. It also cures…whatever else you have. No what I’m selling is not too good to be true, it is truly good. Those other doctors haven’t had as much training as I have. They were just trained in traditional Western or Eastern medicine. I am an advanced practitioner and I will be able to help you. Join our subscription model and start saving your life now. Just one easy monthly payment via direct debit. Don’t worry about the billing we will just collect the money ourselves as customer satisfaction is our top priority. It’s a real bargain my cold-pressed extra-virgin snake oil…

Drink this potion, apply this lotion, move your body in this motion.

Use this poultice, made without artifice, I have 40 years of practice.

It looks bigger on the scan, that’s just a scam, your disease our treatment will slam.

What else can we do, what do you mean you can’t poo, none of our happy patients would ever sue.

Why would you want a treatment pause, didn’t you read the last clause, it’s all ours now what was yours.

You did it all wrong, you didn’t follow along, our medication is strong.

The price has to increase, the supply of this rare element is about to cease, yes we extract it from fleas.

You can’t get out of bed, that’s all in your head, why don’t you try harder instead.

We will now have to intercede, our service you will always need, otherwise your cancer will grow at speed.

Sorry we can’t answer right now, our attention we cannot allow, we are too busy saving lives to take a bow.

It worked for everyone else, it even cleared up that guy’s welts, it’s your attitude that smells.

What you’ve run out of funds, you can’t afford the frankfurters just the buns, well sorry we have to runs.

Palace of Care – Ripples

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Photo by David Becker on Unsplash

Please.

Remember that.

Death.

Of one.

Affects their partner.

Affects children.

Affects their siblings.

Affects their extended family.

Affects the community belonged to.

Nothing is ever.

The same.

Again.

Palace of Care – Opportunity Cost

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Photo by James Bold on Unsplash

In my misspent youth I studied Economics during high school and into my first year of university. Opportunity Cost is the cost that you incur when you make a choice. Because you have chosen A, you miss out on B, or vice versa.

The New Zealand school ball is an important event in a young lady’s life it is a coming of age event. The proud parents will see their daughter off for her first school ball. This can be a big deal especially for the father. The ball was scheduled to take place in a week’s time. Our patient had his blood tests done as he was looking pale, was fatigued, and slightly short of breath. Symptoms and signs of anaemia, low red blood cells in his body. His counts were dangerously low, and if we didn’t do something about it, he was at risk of dying before the day of the school ball. He really wanted to be there for his daughter, it was his only chance at providing the whole family with this milestone memory. He agreed to our plan of transfusion, a top up to give him the best chance of being there for his daughter.

In the days after the transfusion he was able to walk further without losing his breath, his thinking had sharpened, almost as good as normal. Looking in the mirror his skin tone no longer reminded him of the vampires from the Twilight series that his daughter and her friends all loved. He would make it to the ball, and the whole family was excited about it again. They could proceed with the pre-ball party at home, he would go home for a few hours of leave. A nice dose of normal family life to break up his cancer story if only for a brief respite.

After the weekend the pre-ball photos were shared with us, and they were lovely. The only clue to his illness was that Dad was thin, and looked tired in the photos, otherwise a beautiful New Zealand family celebrating a special night together at home. A snapshot frozen in time, if only the image would stay like that, no changes occurring, no one deteriorating, no brightness fading from their eyes. But that is still life, real life is about the changes that occur with each passing minute, hour, day, week.

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