In a conversation with a grief counselling provider the other week we talked about the grief process not just occurring after a person has died but occurring during their final illness. The person themselves will grieve over the losses they experience as they become sicker. The parts of their self that die as worsening health takes its toll on a person and their loved ones. This may include loss of the many roles that people have in life. A big one is the loss of employment, not being able to work can affect people deeply, especially if work plays a big part in who they are or represents why they are. Not being able to contribute to society can be a huge loss and a damaging blow to a person’s sense of wholeness.

Loss of roles in a family can have a huge impact. If the main carer becomes unwell it can put a great strain on the other family members. Who can be called in to help with Grandma, now that Mum is unwell? The other members of the household might need to learn how to cook and clean amongst family tasks that seemed to be taken care of as if by magic. The clothes don’t jump into the laundry basket by themselves. They pour themselves into the washing machine with just the right amount of washing powder and water. The teleporter doesn’t work any more, the smelly socks that are thrown at the laundry basket go for a swim in the washing machine. Then they grow legs and somehow jump onto the washing line to work on their tan. Once all traces of liquid have been removed the items of clothing practice yoga, contorting themselves into origami configurations all the better to line drawers with. This whole process may become much less reliable when a family member is unable to help out with house hold chores.