To do palliative care and hospice well your heart does need to be in it. People can easily tell if you are not really there. It doesn’t have to be as obvious as someone who won’t sit down, or who constantly checks the time on their watch. Do you have somewhere more important to be at the moment, than in my room? Something more important that needs to be done than listening to me?

If someone’s heart isn’t really in it people can tell right away. The lack of attention that is paid to simple things. So we do want people to be engaged to actually care for people. It does need to be done professionally, with kindness and respect. People need to have firm boundaries that they do not cross. It’s about protecting yourself and also the person that you are working with. You can be friendly but cannot be their friend. You can be caring but it must be in a professional manner. We are guests in their lives, and we do not want to disrupt pre-existing relationships.

We are involved possibly in the final chapter of someone’s book of life. It is not about us, but about them. They are the stars of their own show, of their own movie, of their own stories. We are only extras, or play a tiny bit part. We may have only a few lines to say, and we will try to say them well. The direction of the story needs to be guided by the person going through it all. We would not be in the same room as them if they were not sick, if they did not need the care that we can provide. We must never forget that, that they are not here because of us, but that we are all here because of them. The patient needs to be at the centre of everything that we do, not their family members or friends but the actual person themselves.