Bedside Lessons – 13. Waddya waiting for?

Photo by Vadim Bogulov on Unsplash

He was well respected and had many visitors. He had sponsored most of his family to come over to New Zealand. He had enabled his brothers and parents to come over in order for them to have a better life. He was the reason that the children’s generation grew up speaking English and Chinese. He ran his businesses successfully with the help of his siblings.

It was unfortunate that he became unwell with cancer, but he was well-supported by his family. He had always been there for them so when he was unwell they were there for him. He was able to purchase the best care that money could buy, and his Private Oncologist tried everything that was available, but it did not work.

He went back to China in order to access other treatments but they did not work either and meant that he had to spend time away form his family which he did not like. Family was the most important thing to him in the world. That was the whole reason that he had worked so hard in order to make things better for his family, so that they could enjoy their time together.

He started to deteriorate more quickly and he was admitted for symptom control but ended up requiring end of life care. There was always a family member present. When he started having trouble swallowing, the family asked about tube feeding. We knew that back in China if you could afford to pay for it you could access almost any treatment you wanted. It was explained that we did not think that artificial feeding and hydration would be beneficial. He became sleepier and less clear in his thinking. Eventually he became comatose.

His family continued their vigil, even though he was unresponsive. They asked how long he had left, and we couldn’t give them a adequate answer. They rightfully pointed out to us that he had not had anything to eat or drink food about two weeks. How could he keep on staying alive? I had trouble explaining it with all of my medical training, our science could not explain what was going on.

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I think therefore I am? – Its a small world after all.

 

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Photo by Sid Mosdell, taken on March 28, 2012

Over the years I have been privileged to share some meals with a visiting Lama from the Tibetan Buddhist Faith. Rinpoche is based in Scottsdale, Arizona, USA but regularly visits New Zealand. Dinners with Rinpoche are always very interesting and he has many stories to tell. Given my own professional interests, the topic of death and dying often comes up. During one of those conversations Rinpoche shared a related story about one of his late American friends.

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