Tag Archives: memories

I think therefore I am? – Mother’s Day

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Photo by guille pozzi on Unsplash

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers out there. A day when we celebrate one who may be one of the most important people in our world. This can be a happy occasion but it can also bring sad memories to those who no longer have a mother. A time when the grief is stirred up a bit more than usual. Memories of the loss of a parent churn from deep inside us. For some, the loss is all too recent, all too raw. You didn’t want her to suffer one minute more but you missed her even before she had died.

She wasn’t her usual self any more. She couldn’t be there as she always had been countless times before. It was hard to see someone so strong become so frail. She had always been of slim build but the weight loss was too difficult to bear witness to. Her severe fatigue made you wish you could gift her some of your energy, but you knew she would never take it. She had trouble being the one who needed care.

She always served her customers well. Put them at ease with her gentle words and friendly smile. She enjoyed seeing the children grow up, just like her children had. From needing everything done to full independence. They had all become adults and parents themselves but she couldn’t help still wanting to take care of them. Nothing changed at the end of her life, she took care of her children and her grandchildren. She wanted to do her best for them, as she always had.

Even after I am gone.
I will still be with you.
A tiny bit of me will live on.
Inside of you my child.
Know that you are loved.

Palace of Care – My favourite question

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Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

How did you meet each other?

My friend was going out with a girl who worked at a  shoe shop. One day he asked me to meet him at the shoe shop. I waited outside for him and then the other girl who worked at the shop was sent out. She had been told that there was someone outside who wanted to meet her. That’s how we met and we’ve been together ever since. We became soulmates.

That’s cool. You met her when she was working at a shoe store and you became sole-mates.

Palace of Care – An officer and a gentle man

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Photo by Alexander Andrews on Unsplash

The young man looked smart in his military uniform as he strode through the hospice corridors.

He’d come straight over from the defense force base to join the rest of the family, the traffic had seemed slower than ever.

His superior officers had been most understanding, they knew how important it was for him to be there in his family’s time of need.

Grand-Dad had always been there for him, at times he had been more like a Dad.

He would miss Grand-Dad but all the good memories would live on in the stories that the family shared. So many funny stories.

Grand-Dad had helped so many people throughout his life. That’s why the young man had joined the armed forces, to do his bit in helping people.

He gently stroked Grand-Dad’s face as he spoke to him, as tears brimmed in his eyes.

A mixture of emotions roiled on his face. Sad that Grand-Dad had died, but relieved that he didn’t have to suffer any more.

I love you Grand-Dad. Thank you for everything. Don’t you worry, we’ll look after Grand-Ma and each other.

Palace of Care – Referred Again

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Photo by Gabriella Clare Marino on Unsplash

When I received the second referral for our man with Chronic Pain I decided to be a bit more careful. Again he didn’t fit within our referral criteria, he didn’t have a life limiting diagnosis which is usually one of the non-negotiables for people under our care. That’s what it looked like on paper, but I will always give a person the benefit of the doubt. We only decline a small number of referrals to our service and most people will have at least one face to face assessment. I decided to see for myself as I knew him better than most people on our team. I arranged for a home visit later in the week.

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Palace of Care – The Christmas Night Markets

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Photo by Ross Sneddon on Unsplash

The Christmas Night Markets brought thousands of people to our hospice grounds and stallholders to our basement car park. There was live music courtesy of a guitar-strumming singer who sang Christmas carols that we all knew the words for. It was a family event with many generations represented. I usually only go shopping once a decade, but tonight my inner Ebenezer was silenced and money flew out of my wallet like butterflies searching for sweet nectar.

I usually go with my family but this year my wife was busy, instead my daughter and her friend came along. They were both looking for presents to buy for their mothers. This event was the latest edition of a community engagement project. The aim was to invite people into our hospice grounds, to get to know us a bit better.

Lots of families attended and shared food. Some of our patients from our inpatient unit came down with their family members. I caught up with three families who had come back. All of them were different in many ways but they all shared something in common. Each of the mothers of the families had died in our care.

A little boy lined up to buy churros with his father who reminded me of Hercule Poirot. The boy’s primary school school had visited a local amusement park the other day. He looked well, had grown a little bit since I’d last seen him and he was as smiley as usual.

A young lady had finished high school for the year. Her father was still as friendly as ever and shared a laugh with us. He’d met my daughter before when he had last visited the hospice. She had introduced herself as the new Director of Nursing.

A local politician introduced me to his friends. He told me that his mother had died almost three years ago. This made his eyes glimmer briefly and he had to blink fast before the surface tension of his tears broke. I realised it had almost been four years for me, which made me gulp down my own emotional response.

Time can fly and life goes on, but it sometimes feels too strange. We all missed our mothers in different ways. After Mum’s death, things had never been the same again for any of us.

Palace of Care – Family Meal Deal

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Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash

Our patient was dying, earlier in the day his wife had asked how long he had left to live. I had told her I wasn’t sure, but it was likely he only had hours to short days left to live. It usually is hard to tell but in his case it was even harder as our team were surprised that he was still alive. We had expected him to die two days ago. He was a strong young man who didn’t want to die. He continued to hold on. I talked about no matter how much time was left that we would try our best to keep him calm, to keep him comfortable. We’re going to get you through this.

His daughter was just outside of the room. She was cutting out pictures from magazines and she was assembling a collage. There was a picture of a beach. Someone had a straw hat on and holding a fishing rod. There was some pictures of indoor furniture. I think there might’ve been a fluffy toy bunny in another picture. She had a glue stick in her other hand and she was rearranging the images on the blank sheet of paper in front of her. She had seen her father become more unwell over the past month, increasingly so in the past week.

It’s not standard practice for us to provide meals to family members but we do make exceptions at times. We arranged for meals for both of his children and their mother, catered for by our hospice kitchen. The children were given the choice of ordering either the fish and chips, or the chicken nuggets and chips. This was extra exciting for them, they would have their own tray of food, including dessert. What a treat. They could eat together with their mother who had her own tray. Father had been too unwell to swallow anything for the past week, and had slept most of the last three days.

A happy half hour that they shared together doing something normal. There had been too little of that in recent weeks. Long days and nights in hospital had been stressful. The children didn’t get much time with their parents together. The time was precious for them, and hopefully it allowed for a nicer memory to be formed.

Our patient died peacefully later on that same night. The room became crowded as many other family members came in to pay their respects.

The next day his wife asked us how much the bill was. When the interpreter told her that there was no charge, she burst into tears.

I think therefore I am? – A New Year

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Photo by Wout Vanacker on Unsplash

A new year and new beginnings. A chance to review all that happened in the past 12 months. The highlights, the lowlights and everything in between. The successes and failures can be replayed to consolidate what was learned. Despite many attempts, I couldn’t slow down 2023, it raced away from me.

Children grew taller, new life was welcomed into the world. There were many goodbyes and many missing people from family feasting tables. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukah, Eid and birthdays, all had empty spaces. Voids that are never to be filled as these people cannot be replaced. People learn to live with the differences, as their lives go on to varying degrees.

Looking back to the past to inform our future. Time well spent?

I think therefore I am? – Chinese New Year Family Photos

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Photo by Сергей Wi on Unsplash

Chinese New Year is a time for family to gather. People make their way home from all over the world for a chance to catch up with each other. It’s a time for the annual family photo, making the most of the opportunity when everyone is there together. A rare occasion these days to have the children and the grandchildren altogether in one place at one time.

Looking back the old photos tell a story of a family’s life together. Over the years the pictures change. The parents get older. The children grow up and become parents themselves. The next generation is welcomed. The family dog looks less and less alert. The first grandchild is joined by another. A few photos later and there are more babies. The family dog disappears from the photos. The children look more tired and world-weary. The grandchildren look taller in each new photo.

The photos of the past three years looked different as many families could not gather for their annual reunion. Replaced by screenshots of virtual gatherings. Better than not seeing each other at all, but not quite the same due to lag and other factors. Not being able to taste Grandmas’s signature dish, her stir-fried rice vermicelli. Not being able to eat New Year Cakes together. No red packets could exchange hands.

As time goes by the photos will change even more. The grandparents start to look elderly. The parents start to have grey hair. The young ones may not be able to make it back due to university or work commitments. The eldest grandson proudly presents his grandparents with the first red packet he earned himself in his first year of working. Pure pride beams in the smile of his grandmother as she receives the auspicious gift.

People start to disappear from the photos as health issues start to wreak their havoc. One of the grandparent’s faces looks different after the stroke. The following year there is a gap in the space where one of the parents always stood. Two of the grandchildren will have to finish growing up without one of their parents.

The family tradition will persist. The gathering, the family meal, followed by the family photo. The life changes will continue to occur and will be writ on the faces of those photographed. The ups and downs of the year. The challenges encountered, the successes and failures. What we have gained and what we have lost all feature in these family photos.

1,2,3 everyone say, “Cheese.”

Guest Post – Naomi’s Notes – Time

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Photo by R.D. Smith on Unsplash

He was 84. He had been sick for a long time with his liver and recently had his gallbladder removed.  He was tired and grumpy as he struggled to make sense of the illness.   He was tired of taking medicine and being unwell. It was a far cry from the strong funny man that used to make his family laugh.

As a father when he made up his mind to do something he would always follow through.  Like the time he decided to take a night class in pruning fruit trees.   He would come home from class and prune all the fruit trees which were quite substantial.  The trees all had a slight lean to them and his family was not convinced he passed that class but the trees bore great fruit.  

He decided he wanted to become a welder so he enrolled in a night class and completed the course.  His family thought it was an extension of his pruning class because he did some welding maintenance around the fruit trees.  When he wasn’t watching, his children used his welding hat to play Darth Vader in Star Wars but he used to laugh when he thought they couldn’t see him. 

It was early morning when the phone rang and she knew immediately something was wrong.

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