We talked and he looked to be in pain, not physical but emotional/spiritual/social pain. He wanted to stay at home with his family but he knew that it was becoming too much to handle for them all. The boys are still young, his partner has a significant health issue. He wanted to be at home but was worried that caring for him would put her under too much strain, she had already had a close call.
Usually the fire of anger was what he would allow to erupt, but instead he let out his desolation. His weak voice did not allow him to scream very loudly but he did so for five minutes. A raw primal scream from deep within his soul like a deeply wounded animal. Utter devastation unleashed as a whimper. The disease that had ravaged his body, only allowed a small strangled noise to come out.
We did not try to soothe him, and would’ve been lying to say that it was going to be all right. “Let it all out, you need to let it all out.” Tears were streaming down his face, into his beard, but he no longer had the hand or arm strength to wipe them away. We didn’t move, he needed this moment of catharsis, he needed this time to let out his deeply buried emotion.
He stopped screaming and started apologising, we said that there was no need to. We could see that what he had needed was to let it out, and we had allowed it to happen.
“I feel better.”
“I thought you would.”
“No worries bro, we’re good, let’s make a plan to get you home, but you need to have help, otherwise nothing will work. “