I think therefore I am? – Dropped

Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

I feel so lost, I feel so alone, aren’t I good enough for you? What did I do wrong? Why did you change so suddenly? I thought you’d always be there for me. I thought you’d have my back.

Many different people may be felt to be the other, this can have a racial basis, or be on a religious basis. People are labeled as other to justify treating them badly, and this is an unjust situation in this day and age. What other justifications are there for bad treatment of our fellow humans?

Palliative care patients may face stigmatisation for being closer to dying than most people. Oh well they’re going to die anyway, so why should we bother taking care of them? Just shove them in the corner and pull the curtain around them, and forget about them. Out of sight and out of mind. Not my problem mate. Who cares they’re dying anyway, not worth me expending any effort on them. I beg to differ, dying people deserve even more respect, as they are about to leave our planet, off to somewhere else, destination unknown. What will happen next? I don’t know.

It hurts to be rejected, to be pushed away, sometimes literally pushed away. I don’t want anything to do with you. Please leave, bad enough when you are trying to find a date, but when you are at the end of your life, how much more hurtful could that feel?

Abandonment is even worse, it means that you had been part of something, you had been receiving the care from a service. You had been in, and now you are out. You were able to obtain all of the benefits of the care, to luxuriate in the warmth of a lovely shower, and then the tap was turned off. From a nice relaxing feeling, to suddenly being cold, wet and so alone. I thought you had my back but then you dropped me. It’s not just like a relationship break-up, it is a relationship break-up.

The romance was going well, I thought we would be together. ’Til death do us part was what you had promised. Then I said what I really felt, what I really needed and you dropped me like a hot coal. You made me feel like you don’t care about me, whether I live or die. No matter what suffering I had to endure, you just showed me how much you don’t care about me. That you can drop me and throw away everything that we worked together to achieve.

Dropped, ghosted, broken up into many jagged sharp pieces. What will happen now? Whose friends are whose? It’s like a bittersweet lolly scramble, everyone diving to grab whatever is left. Some of the lollies are sweet, some taste like ashes, others are well past their expiry date. It is a mess, and true colours will be revealed.

Why are you so surprised that I am angry? How would you feel if you were in my position?

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